A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of a road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says...


(Are you ready for this?)


It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair and adds permanent wave."

A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman 
next to him and says: "Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?" The big 
woman 
replies: "Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something. I'm 
blond, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I'm a professional triathlete and 
bodybuilder. Also, the blond woman sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 220 
pounds, and she is an ex-professional wrestler. And next to her is a blond 
who is 6'5", weighs 250 pounds, and she's a current professional kickboxer. 
Now, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?" The guy thinks about it a 
second and says: "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

 A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing
 to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to
 jump in.
 
 The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's
 your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank
 the blanket away...the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
 "C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no!
 You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead. "No! It's Brunettes
 we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!"
 "OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket
 away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
 Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof.
 Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!" "No way! You're just gonna
 pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde. "No! Really! You have to jump! We
 won't pull the blanket away!"
 "Look," the Blonde says. "Nothing you say is gonna
 convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you
 to do is put the blanket down,
 and back away from it...."

Two blondes, Judi and Gayle were walking down the street. Judi
noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She
opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person looks
familiar." 
Gayle said, "Let me look." So Judi handed her the compact. Gayle
looked in the mirror then turned to Judi. "You dummy -- that's *me*!"

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss,
concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically,
"What's the matter?" 
To which the blonde replies....."Early this morning I got a phone call
saying that my mother had passed away." 
The boss,feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl.
"Why don't you go home for the day.....we aren't terribly busy. Just
take the day off to relax and rest." 
The blonde very calmly states......"No, I'd be better off here. I
need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that
here." 
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual...."if you need
anything, just let me know." 
Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde.
He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!!
He rushes out to her, asking, "What's so bad now........are you gonna be
ok??" 
"No......" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister.
She told me that HER mom died too!!" 

 

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde all work in the same office with
the same female boss. Every day, they noticed the boss left work early.
One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they'd be right
behind her. After all, she never called or came back, so how was she
to know? 
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little
gardening and went to bed early. 
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her
spa before meeting a dinner date. 
The blonde was happy happy happy to be home, but when she got to her
bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she
cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with
HER BOSS!!! 
Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. 
The next day, at coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned
leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them. "NO
WAY," she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!" 

 

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis
ball, and seeing nobody around, he slipped it into the pocket of his
shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing,
waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the
large bulge in his shorts. 
"What's that?" she asked,... her eyes gleaming with lust. 
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply. 
"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had
tennis elbow once." 

 

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer
decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age,
please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before
replying "Ehhhh .. 23!". 
The interviewer tries another straight forward one to break the ice.
"And can you tell us your height, please?" 
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag.
She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of
her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two!" 
This isn`t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics.
"And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?" 
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds,
mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Mandy!" 
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "Just
out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers
to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious,
but what were you doing when we asked you your name?" 
"Ohh that!" replies the blonde, "That`s just me running through `Happy
birthday to you, happy birthday to you...." 

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head roommates all went to an antiques store and saw a lovely mirror. 
The lady working at the store said, "This is a magic mirror, you must say something true and if it's true you can make a wish and it will come true. If it's not true you will disappear."
The blonde, red head, and brunette loved the mirror so much that they bought it and brought it home with them. 
First the red head walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world." Poof, she vanished. 
Then the brunette walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the smartest girl in the world." Poof, she disappeared. 
Then the blonde walked up to the mirror and said, "I think...." 
Then Poof, she disappeared.

 There are 2 women getting ready to leave for work. The brunette gets in the driver's seat and the blonde gets in the passenger's seat.  The brunette says, "We're late, so you watch out the back window for cops." As she speeds down the road she asks the blonde, "So, do you see any cops?"

      The blonde replies, "Yes."

           The brunette says, "Are they behind us?"

                "Yes."

                     "Are they close?"

                           "Yes."

                              "Are they going to stop us?"

                         "I don't know."

                  The brunette says, "Well, are their lights on?"

 The blonde replies, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."

Q: What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
A: Frosted Flake

Q: What do you call a group of blondes standing in a circle, holding hands?
A: A dope ring.

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Q: What do you call a blonde on a college campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

On her way home, the blonde drove past a sign that said, "CLEAN
RESTROOMS, 8 MILES." Eight miles later, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

A brunette, redhead, and a blonde go into a bar. The brunette says
to the barkeep, "I'd like a BL." The bartender replies, "What's a
BL?" The brunette answers in a snotty voice, "A Bud Light. DUH!"

So, the bartender dutifully serves up a Bud Light. Then, the redhead
 says, "I'd like an ML." The bartender asks, "What's an ML?" The
redhead answers, as if to a slow child, "Miller Lite. DUH!"

After serving the redhead, the bartender, now wary and on alert,
turns to the blonde.

 She says, "I'd like a fifteen, please." The bartender thinks and
then says, "Okay, I understand that a BL is a Bud Light and an ML is
a Miller Lite. But, I can't figure out what a fifteen is."

The blonde rolls her eyes, tosses her hair and answers, "A Seven and
Seven. DUH!"

A blonde was very upset at all the dumb blonde jokes she was
repeatedly hearing. She decided that she would learn all the state
capitals in an effort to defend blondes everywhere. She went home
and spent the entire evening learning them all.

The next day, someone at her office told a dumb blonde joke and she
immediately retorted, "Hey ... I bet I know something that ALL of
you don't know. I know ALL of the state capitals which proves that
not all blondes are dumb." The people in her office were somewhat
dubious. One of her co-workers finally asked, "Ok ... what's the
capital of Wyoming?"

To which she smugly replied, "W."

A woman wants the inside of her house painted, so she calls a contractor
in to help her. He arrives carrying a pad and pen as they wander around
the house planning the colors. She starts with the master bedroom,
saying "I'd like the walls painted beige, very soft and warm." The
contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he
goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!" 
The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide. They wander into the
next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not
stark, but very bright and airy." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad
of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and
yells, "Green side up!" The woman is ever more perplexed but still lets
it slide. They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the
bedroom, I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue." The contractor
nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he
goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!" This is too
much. The woman has to ask. So she says, "Every time I tell you a color,
you write it down, but then you yell out the window "Green side up." What
on earth does that mean?" 
The contractor shakes his head and says, "Nothing, I have four blondes
laying sod across the street." 

Did you hear about the blonde that... 
- Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. 
- Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a
slope. 
- Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the
typewriter. 
- Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the
box said '2 to 4 years'. 
- Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
Couldn't call 911 because there is no 11 on any phone button. 
- When asked what the capital of California was; answered 'C'. 
- Burnt her nose bobbing for French-fries. 
- Baked a turkey for 3 ½ days because the instructions said ½ hour
per pound and she weighed 125. 
- Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those
little packets. 
- Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel. 
- Got hurt while raking leaves - fell out of the tree.
- Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said
'good for up to 20 pounds'. 
- After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that
the other swimmers were using their arms. 
- What goes 'vroom-screech-vroom-screech-etc? 
A blonde at a flashing red light. 
- Two blondes are trying to get into their car using a coat hanger
when one says 'hurry, it's starting to rain and the top is down'. 
- You shouldn't let blondes take coffee breaks; it takes too long to
retrain them. 

...... she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

...... she thought a quarterback was a refund.

...... she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

...... she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

...... she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.

...... she thought General Motors was in the army.

...... she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

...... she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

...... under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

...... she tried to drown a fish.

...... she tripped over a cordless phone.

...... she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said concentrate.

...... she got stabbed in a shoot-out.

...... she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".

...... they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.

...... at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she putSagittarius.

...... she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

...... it takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes".

...... she studied for a blood test -- and failed.

...... she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."

...... she sold the car for gas money!

...... when she saw the "NC-17: under 17 not admitted", she went home and got 16 friends.

...... when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

...... she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

...... when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

...... when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.

...... she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. We'll miss her.

Her car breaks down on the Interstate one day, so the driver eases it over 
onto the shoulder. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

Out jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of the 
vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their 
coats 
and exposing themselves to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one 
of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs.

It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly
enraged, runs toward the driver of the disabled vehicle yelling, 
"What the hell is going on here?" "My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.

"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?" screams the cop.

"Those are my emergency flashers!" replied the blonde!

A blonde went to her mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to make his rounds.

A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery.

Her reply: "No, but my computer keeps telling me I have mail.

New humor was added on Wednesday, October 04, 2006

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