Small world
3 for Golf
Going Golfing
A Superbowl Surprise
Hunting Bear
Sport of Choice
Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because
the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand
trap, lake, and rough on the course. They didn't bother to wave the men on through, which
is proper golf etiquette.
After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll walk up there and
ask those gals to let us play through." He
walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back,
explaining, "I can't do it. One of
those women is my wife and the other is my mistress! Maybe you'd better go talk to
them."
The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had
done, stopped, turned around and
walked back and said: "Small world."
What's Your Sport of Choice?
The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on corporate America
recreation preferences:
1. Sport of choice for maintenance level employees: bowling.
2. Sport of choice for front line workers: football.
3. Sport of choice for supervisors: baseball.
4. Sport of choice for middle management: tennis.
5. Sport of choice for corporate officers: golf.
CONCLUSION: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls.
Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the
fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.
The third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there it bounces onto the roof of
a nearby shack and rolls down into the gutter, down the down spout, out onto the fairway and right toward the aforementioned pond.
On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth.
Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.
Moses then turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad.
Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation
ensued:
First Guy: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing
this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I
will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new
deck for the pool."
Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel
the kitchen for her."
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word.
So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to
come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth Guy: "That's easy! I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it goes off, I shut
off my alarm, give the wife a poke and say, 'Golf Course or Intercourse?' So she says,
'Wear your sweater.'"
Submitted by: (Erik Freeman)
Seems there was this nasty biker riding his hawg down the icy highway one cold day in
Colorado, when he spots a cat lying in the middle of the road. The biker thinks to
himself, "I'll cut that cat in two"' and he bears down on it hard. As he gets
closer, he suddenly realizes that it's not a cat, it's a large piece of metal lying in the
road. Too late! His front wheel plows into it and he's sent flying over the handlebars
onto the road at 80 MPH.
Well, when he arrives in Hell, who should be welcoming the new arrivals but the Devil
himself.
As the Devil shakes the (ex)biker's hand, he asks mockingly, "So, how do you like it
here?"
The biker replies, "Man, this is one COOL place!"
The old Devil was just a little miffed at this upstart, so he decides to crank up the
thermostat a notch.
The next day, the Devil seeks out the biker and asks, "So, how do you like it
now?"
Still the biker responds by saying, "This is great! Reminds me of those drug runs to
Sonora during the hot afternoons in August."
Naturally, the Devil is only more angered, and cranks the heat up as far as it can go. The
next day, Hell is as hot as it gets.
The Devil again asks the biker how he likes it. Undaunted, the biker proclaims, "It's
almost as hot as the time I beat and robbed those vacationers out in Death Valley. I love
it!"
Now the Devil is just plain pissed, so he turns the thermostat all the way down. The next
morning, he finds the biker again and asks, "OK smart-ass, how do you like it
NOW?"
With icicles hanging from every part of his body, the biker inquires, "W-w-w-what
h-h-hhappened, d-d-d-did the Broncos f-f-finally w-w-win the Super Bowl?"
In the middle of a forest, there
was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts
to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep
cliff. His hopes were dim.
Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather
quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God!
Please give this bear some 'religion!'"
The sky darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the
hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the
bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to
receive...."
New humor was added on Wednesday, October 04, 2006
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